Three Part Harmony
by Karrah Aretz
Summary: finished!! a new take on Jamie's life absed on songs by Pearl Jam
1. Alive

Three Part Harmony: Alive  
By Maureen  
  
Music and lyrics by Pearl Jam  
  
This is a three story arc which links the songs Alive, Once and Garden by Pearl Jam. It begins as the story of Eddie Vedder (lead singer of Pearl Jam) and continues as a possible outcome of the real events. While I based this story off what really did happen to Vedder, it is a work of fiction and no money is being made.  
  
***  
Three years ago  
  
Son, she said  
Have I got a little story for you  
What you thought was your daddy  
Was nothin' but a...  
  
Jamie sat in the living room stunned. His father, father, had lived less than a mile away his entire life and he had never even known it.   
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked his mother.  
  
"I didn't know he was here. After I him I moved home and then moved here. I never looked for him again. I didn't want you to grow up with him for a father. Better no father at all," that she had never stopped loving him despite all the heartache he had caused her went unsaid.  
  
His father sat on the couch, his nervousness turning to anger. "Now wait just one minute! I wasn't the greatest boyfriend! I admit that. I probably would have made a lousy husband. But he is my son! I didn't even know you were pregnant until after you had moved! I found out from that waitress at the diner we used to hang out at and I've spent the past fifteen years looking for you!"  
  
"And you found me! And you found Jamie! Now what? You want to play 'happy families'? Well I'm not playing!" Jamie's mother was rapidly turning into a shrieking banshee.  
  
"No! I just want to meet my son! Maybe get to know him a little! I'm not stupid! I know he probably won't accept me as his father!" the man claiming to be Jamie's father was able to match his mother decibel for decibel.  
  
"Time out!" Jamie roared. He typically used his voice for singing, but this time he used his diaphragm simply to be loud. The room was silent.  
  
"One, Mom, anything that happens is my decision and Mr. Phillips, give me your phone number. If I feel like calling you, I will," Jamie stood up quickly, ending any conversation. "I'm going out, don't follow me."  
  
While you were sittin'  
Home alone at age thirteen  
Your real daddy was dyin'  
Sorry you didn't see him  
But I'm glad we talked  
  
"Mr. Phillips? This is Jamie Waite...yeah...yeah...okay...cool. See you then," Jamie hung up the payphone a few weeks later. Even a crappy dad was better than no dad at all, he figured. And he was trying.  
  
"Thanks for calling me back, Jamie," his father said as Jamie climbed into the small pickup truck.  
  
"I don't trust you, but I don't want a screaming match like last time."  
  
"You've quite a set of lungs," his father said.  
  
"Why did you come looking for me now?" Jamie didn't bother with small talk.  
  
His father pulled over to the side of the road and turned to look at his thirteen-year-old son, "I saved my money for years to hire a detective to find you. I had no idea you were in my own neighborhood. And I couldn't have picked a better time, really. Um...I'm not expecting you to feel sorry for me or anything, but I'm dying. I have cancer and it wasn't caught early enough."  
  
Jamie snorted, only in his life would something this movie-esque would happen to him, "Figgers. How long you got?"  
  
"Maybe a month. Maybe a little more. Not long. I ah...I'm leaving everything to you. It's not much, I spent almost all my money looking for you, but," he shrugged, "for whatever it's worth, it's yours."  
  
"Trying to buy my love?" Jamie asked sarcastically, "Nice try but no go."  
  
"No, I'm not trying to buy your love. I simply didn't know who else to leave it to. I don't have any other family. I don't expect you to learn to love me in a month."  
  
During the rest of lunch they made small talk and didn't discuss money or death or love.  
  
Oh I, oh, I'm still alive  
Yeah I, oh, I'm still alive  
Yeah I, oh, I'm still alive, yeah, oh  
  
He died three weeks later.  
  
Jamie was the only one who attended the funeral, although he couldn't really say that he was sad or would miss the man. He was his son and was his heir. Well, heir was usually only used to describe people who became wealthy from what their inherited and Jamie was still far from that.  
  
He walked home from the cemetery alone, not really sure how he was supposed to feel. He didn't really love him, he didn't hate him. He didn't have any memories to remember, only a few lunches and a movie.   
  
James Waite, the legacy of John Phillips.  
  
Oh she walks slowly  
Across a young man's room  
She said I'm ready for you  
I can't remember anything to this very day  
'Cept the look, the look  
Oh, you know where  
Now I can't see, I just stare  
  
Two years later  
  
Humans can't control genetics no matter how much they want to, which is why they created plastic surgery. Jamie didn't have a picture of his father and only a hazy image of what he looked like in the short time he had known him.  
  
His mother, on the other hand, knew exactly how her lover had looked back when they were living together. She knew the shape of his jaw, the black unruly hair that had to either be gelled or shorn. She knew the dark eyes she could get lost looking into.   
  
And the she would look at Jamie and see it all over again.   
  
No matter how hard she tried, she never saw her son anymore, she only saw her dead lover. The more she stared at Jamie the more she regretted her decision to leave him and the more she loved him.  
  
I, I'm still alive  
Yeah I, oh, I'm still alive  
Yeah I, oh, I'm still alive  
Yeah I, oh, I'm still alive, yeah  
  
Jamie laid on the floor of the living room, flipping through the dirt bike magazine he subscribed to. He had decided to use the money he had received to buy himself a dirt bike and had been dirt bike racing for a year now. He wasn't terrible, but he wasn't great either. However; he was improving.  
  
A shadow crossed his light, obscuring the text. "Mom?" Jamie asked, looking up.   
  
She was wearing a red lace teddy.  
  
"Um...if you have a date, I'll leave," he said, nervously. His mother had dated a little throughout his life, but she had never brought any of her date's home for the night or to meet Jamie. He never had a problem with her life, but this was unnerving. He had no desire to see his mother in lingerie!  
  
"I thought you'd like it," she purred, not noticing Jamie inching away, unsure what was going on, "after all, you did buy it for me."  
  
"What, mom? I did not buy you anything like that!" Jamie replied nervously.   
  
"Of course you did John! Don't deny it! Or me!" she moved closer, trying to wrap an arm around Jamie's waist.   
  
He scooted out of the way, realizing what was happening. "Oh my god! Mom! Mom!" he screamed, "I'm Jamie! Jamie! I'm your son!"  
  
"So you want to role-play do you? Come to momma," she answered seductively.  
  
"John is dead mom! He's been dead for two years now! I'm Jamie!"  
  
She tried to get closer, her intentions obvious.  
  
"Is something wrong?", she said  
"Of course there is  
You're still alive", she said  
Do I deserve to be?  
Is that the question?  
And if so, if so  
Who answers?  
Who answers?  
  
Jamie left, running over to his best friend Catie's house. He had no idea what he should do. His mom was going insane. Was insane. Was something.  
  
Breaking down and telling Catie everything, he spent the night on her bedroom floor, shocking her parents in the morning.   
  
I, oh, I'm still alive  
Yeah I, oh, I'm still alive  
Yeah I, oh, I'm still alive  
Yeah I, mmm, I'm still alive  
Yeah yeah yeah yeah...  
  
Jamie followed the child protective services caseworker to the car, carrying a suitcase and duffel. Turning around he took a look at the only house he had ever lived in and sighed. His mother would be getting help, but at what price to him?  
  
A/N: yeah...it's weird. And parts of it are true (no, not those parts!! :o) makes me glad for my mishuganah mishbrucha. 


	2. Once

Three Part Harmony: Once  
by Maureen  
  
music and lyrics by Pearl Jam  
  
This is a three story arc which links the songs Alive, Once and Garden by Pearl Jam. It begins as the story of Eddie Vedder (lead singer of Pearl Jam) and continues as a possible outcome of the real events. This story completely ignores Jamie becoming an EMT, it is a work of fiction and no money is being made.  
  
***  
  
"Hey sweetie," Jamie's mother said, from her side of the picnic table. An orderly stood a few feet away, pretending like she didn't care about what was being said. She was probably recording the conversation for future session with the doctor.  
  
Jamie for his part tried to ignore where he was and who he was with. "Hi mom," he replied back. On the other side of the picnic table was his caseworker with child protective services. He was only allowed supervised visits with his mother and since she still was not very stable in his presence, the orderly was necessary too.  
  
"How're you doing?" she asked casually, careful not to touch his hand on the table. Other than a hug at the beginning and end of the visits, touching was not allowed.  
  
"Not bad," he replied, wishing he could tell her how much he hated being in foster care. No one wanted a fifteen-year-old male foster child.   
  
"You're taller," she answered, small talk between strangers, not mother and child. Neither mentioned why she was at the hospital or who put her in there.  
  
"It's been six months, Mom. I'm almost 16."  
  
"I know. I'll send you a card for your birthday, okay?"   
  
"Okay," what else was he supposed to say? 'No thanks mom, I don't want a birthday card from some psycho?'.   
  
"Time," the orderly announced, heading towards the table. Like puppets Jamie and his mother stood, hugged and separated.   
  
Jamie hated these quarterly visits but the court wanted him to maintain contact with his mother. The woman that caused him nightmares and had made it impossible for him to talk to any girl his age other than his friend, Catie.  
  
I admit it, what's to say?  
I'll relive it, without pain  
Backstreet lover on the side  
Of the road  
I got a bomb in my temple  
That is gonna explode  
I got a .16 gauge buried  
Under my clothes, I play  
  
"Fostie fostie!" the kids in his science class taunted before school started.   
  
Jamie ignored them and took his seat in the back of the classroom. They always tormented him, saying how his parents didn't want him or love him, how nobody did.  
  
What was sad was that they were partially right. Nobody wanted him. His foster parents certainly didn't and his mother couldn't. There was no one sane who did.  
  
"Oh shut up! Losers!" A clear voice rang out, sick of having to repeat that phrase over and over every day. "Hey Jamie."  
  
Jamie looked up from where his head lay on the desk and saw a blue carebears t-shirt on his best friend, Catie Roth. "Hey Catie," he muttered.  
  
He hated his life. His stupid foster family that didn't bother to even pretend to care about him, the nightmares, the taunting and teasing at school, not being able to talk to any girl other than Catie, everything was making him miserable. The only good thing was Catie. Which was weird since she was a girl, but he saw her a completely nonsexual way.   
  
Jamie sighed, let's just face it, he thought, I'm screwed up sexually for life.   
  
It wasn't that he liked men at all, he was completely straight, but he got so nauseous whenever he thought of talking to a girl that he was afraid he'd throw up on her or worse if he actually tried to talk to her. Damn his mother. Damn the kids in his classes. Damn his foster family.  
  
Damn it all.  
  
Once upon a time I could control myself  
Once upon a time I could lose myself  
  
"Hey boy!" Rob called to Jamie from the living room, it was Jamie's birthday but other than the check he received from CPS he hadn't gotten anything from anybody except Catie, she gave him a new chain for his wallet.  
  
"Yes sir?" Jamie asked, joining him. He knew that if he didn't come when called he'd regret it.  
  
"You know anything about guns?"  
  
"No sir," Jamie replied.  
  
"This here's a .16 gauge pistol. Very good weapon. Easy to fire, easy to load. Let me show you..."  
  
Jamie was completely uninterested in guns, but as his foster father spoke, he realized what potential the small piece of metal had.  
  
Oh try and mimic, what's insane?  
I am in it, where do I stand?  
Indian summer, and I hate the heat  
I got a backstreet lover on the passenger seat  
I got my hand in my pocket  
So determined  
Discreet, I pray  
  
The following Monday, he took the pistol out of the drawer. A surprise for his science class.  
  
Once upon a time I could control myself  
Once upon a time I could lose myself  
Once upon a time I could control myself  
  
The pistol was more difficult to shoot than he had anticipated. He thought the bullets in the round would be enough. He just wanted to scare them anyways, not really hurt anybody.  
  
He didn't hit anybody either, despite firing all the bullets.   
  
Everyone screamed, ducked under their desks. Then Catie walked in and saw what was going on.  
  
Once upon a time I could lose myself  
Once upon a time I could love myself  
Once upon a time I could love you  
  
"Jamie..." she moaned. She didn't have to say anymore.  
  
Once... 


	3. Garden

Three Part Harmony: Garden  
by Maureen  
  
music and lyrics by Pearl Jam  
  
This is a three story arc which links the songs Alive, Once and Garden by Pearl Jam. It begins as the story of Eddie Vedder (lead singer of Pearl Jam) and continues as a possible outcome of the real events. It is a work of fiction and no money is being made.  
  
***  
  
The direction of the eye  
So misleading  
The defection of the soul  
Nauseously quick  
  
"You've been sentenced to six months probation and community service at one of the EMS stations in Kingsport," the judge proclaimed, banging his gavel.  
  
Jamie looked at his feet, knowing he was going to regret taking the guitar picks more than anything in the world. It was stupid, he had been pissed at Catie for not letting him show his science class who was boss so he'd taken the guitar picks. And here he was two weeks later, on probation for it.  
  
I don't question  
Our existence  
I just question  
Our modern needs  
  
"Community service? All he gets is community service?" his foster mother was saying to her husband when Jamie walked up. "He should be in juvenile hall!"  
  
"Hi Mrs. Gregory," Jamie said, ignoring her comments. He knew he wasn't welcome at their house anyways so there wasn't much point in anyone pretending like he was.  
  
"You got lucky today!" she snarled, walking towards the parking lot.   
  
Jamie shrugged and followed, not really caring what she thought. After three years in the foster system he had become inured to feeling unwanted. It was the same, six months at that group home, a couple months with this family, and then they moved him again. Foster families only wanted babies that they had the option to adopt.   
  
Jamie snorted to himself, 'try before you buy' children. It was the sad truth for him. He would never be adopted by a family that wanted him, he would never be reunited with his mother and he would never belong in a family. It was just how life went sometimes.  
  
I will walk with my hands bound  
I will walk with my face blood  
I will walk with my shadow flag  
Into your garden  
Garden of stone  
  
Catie met Jamie that afternoon at the park. "So you've got probation?" she questioned.  
  
"Yeah," he replied sullenly. He hated the idea.  
  
"For how long?"   
  
"Six months, have to work at the EMS station."  
  
Catie began to giggle uncontrollably. Jamie looked at her trying to figure out what was so funny when she her laughing finally subsided into hiccups. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her, "What's so funny?"  
  
"Nothing!" she denied, hiccuping and blushing. "Nothing at all."  
  
"Exactly," Jamie agreed, "There is nothing funny about probation."  
  
After all is done  
We're still alone  
I won't be taken  
Yet I'll go  
  
"Nothing funny about probation, but everything is funny about the EMS station!" she chortled, laughing again.   
  
"Oh really?" he replied, skeptical. It was a lame punishment, not something hilarious.  
  
"Yeah, the super squad serves there!"  
  
"Super squad?" Jamie questioned, unfamiliar with the term.  
  
"You know, Val Linear, Tyler Conell and Hank Beecham? Cheerleader and football preps on the honor roll every semester?" Catie replied, 'duh' all over her tone.   
  
"They work there?" Jamie repeated, the sinking feeling in his stomach becoming titanic. He fell backwards with a thud, arm over his eyes. "I'm dead, I'm so dead," he repeated as if a mantra.  
  
I will walk with my hands bound  
I will walk with my face blood  
I will walk with my shadow flag  
Into your garden  
Garden of stone  
  
With trepidation Jamie got out of the minivan his foster mother drove in front of station 32. The pale concrete trying hard to be inviting but suceeding only at showing how drab the building was in comparison to everything around it.   
  
He turned around, hoping she would take pity on him, but the van was already at the end of the street, turning to head back towards the grocery store. Damn.  
  
I don't show  
I don't share  
I don't need  
What you have to give  
  
Jamie opened the door, steeling himself for the worst. After all, doing time with the super squad had to be as bad as juvie. He sighed, there were no guns or even worse, textbooks pointed at him. So far so good....  
  
Oooh, I will walk with my hands bound  
I will walk with my face blood  
I will walk with my shadow flag  
Into your garden, garden, oh  
  
But he couldn't shake the feeling that he should've shown his science class that he was no pushover.  
  
***  
  
A/N: Originally I wrote this fic where Jamie went psycho on his science class in Once...but the more I thought about it the more I absolutely hated that idea. Those of you that know me know that I have absolutely no tolerance for school or office shootings at all. So...this is the slightly revised ending...and I think it is slightly more believable. 


End file.
